Below are the 15 most recent journal entries recorded in kissmekate138's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, February 14th, 2006
10:47 pm	oooh After you die... Parallel Universe After death, you will continue to exist as if nothing has ever happened. You will continue to be yourself, but because you are in a parallel universe, some things will be different. You may not have married the same person, you might live in a different spot, but you will be the same person underneath it all and you will continue your life unaware that you ever died. Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com Current Mood: amused (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 2nd, 2006
11:12 pm	The Purified One Tonight, I introduced myself to Father Simon Haric, a Jesuit who spoke on my campus about how Jesus lived under military occupation. It was a really refreshing speach that fuled not only the social justice aspect of my life and reafirmed why I appose the war in Iraq and violence in general. It also refreshed my faith and spirituality. Sometimes I need that: to be reminded of my christain faith and upbringing, even though I frequently question it. Slightly humorous though.... is that before Father Simon spoke he was walking around in the audience introducing himself saying "I am called Simon." To which I replied "I'm Kate," becuase of course, that is my name. Before I proceed, I must digress.... earlier today Kristi, my room mate, who is the student government social justice coordinator and was responsible for bring Father Simon, told me that when Father Simon meets someone, he tells them what their name means from memory. So Father Simon replies, "Ah, the purified one!" and goes on to explain that after women were baptized they were henceforth purified and the name Katherine emerged from that. I already knew that this is what my name meant but it was SOOOO cool to here it from a Jesuit Priest. At first I was laughing at the irony of it all. Me, the not really very pure one, being called pure by a man of God!! LOL!!! I figured "Hey, if he says I'm pure, I'll roll with that!!" But really, once the irony and humor wore off I realized that I have been baptized AND confirmed into the christian faith, and though I've lived a life that is anything but pure, there is still a chance for me. God still loves me. I am still a christian. I like to think that though my body is not pure, my heart still is. I know its corny, or maybe another sad excuse for the way I behave but I had a flash of hope in my slight time of darkness these days. I think I'll keep fighting the good fight after all. Current Mood: refreshed (Comment on this)
Monday, January 30th, 2006
10:14 pm	One, two, three: This is Me "Well, I can't sleep and I'm not in love. Well, I can't speak without messing up. Eyes tell her what's behind. Hers showed the way to a long and a lonely climb." -Nickel Creek I had all these deep thoughts that I wanted to express in a blog type and they are escaping my mind. I need to start writing them down during the day. Sometimes I think of so many issues I want to discuss on my blog but they slip away. Here's what I can remember wanting to talk about. 1. I met this guy on myspace named Shane. He graduated from University of Wyoming and played football. Now he lives in Greeley and works in realestate (a field I am familiar with). At first I thought he was just another horny idiot you meet online and I have sworn not to meet guys from online in person again (it alsays turns out weird) but I am kind of hoping we meet some day. I learned that he is an inspirational speaker for 9 News and travels with them all around the country talking to highschool students about setting and acheiving goals and the rewards they bring. I think that is SOOOOOOO sweet. So we talk on the phone here and there, and never for a very long time. The other night when I was at that party, I drunk dialed him. Why? I have no idea. Anyway, he does not answer and I leave a pretty crazy message I guess and we start text messaging back and forth. I don;t really remember all I said and somehow figures out how to delet all my messages before I woke up Sunday morning. Apparently I mostly just said I was drunk and horny and wanted him to drive to Boulder to see me. Weird. He also made sure I made it home becuase when I woke up I found a text asking if I did, to which I responed that I did and thanked him. Later that night he called me and we talked for about 20 minutes. Well he talked. I felt like he might have been giving me an inspirational speach about everything from drinking in college, dating, love, sex..... you just would not beleive the range he covered and it was all about his goals and past struggles with each. I was impressed with his confidence and goals and clarity.... I really was, and am.... but I think the only way he can speak in an intelligent (read:non-jock) is when he's inspiring. Weird. Sweet but weird I think. I think he's adorable and would be nice to date but distance is the onlything preventing. We'll see where it goes. 2. I'm a naughty girl. a. Who has see the episode of Sex and the City where the girls are talking about their masturbation fantasies? Well here is my new one. I only share it because, well, I can and it is making my self love fairly passionate. HAHAH. Jake Gylenhall (is it bad I can't spell it?) doing me doggie style on my pool table. I don't know how it happened, but I think it was just because he look sooooo hot on Jay Leno the other night and I've always wanted to have sex on my pool table. I know I'm a freak but the self-love that night was high quality and note-worthy. b. I have a crush on an older fellow at the office. ooooh we'll call him McDreamy (i stole that from grey's anatomy because it seems to fit). McDreamy appears to be about thirty and blond. He's an agent who isn't in a whole lot but Lis warned me that he tells dirty jokes and is kind of a joker I guess. Anyway, it's silly and nothing will ever come of it . Crushes in general are bad, crushes at work.... even worse. Plus... I've looked like crap the only two times I've seen him. Oh I think that fact that while he was saying goodbye to Lis he jokingly called her sugar-britches. It makes me gigle that he would use that term. Kinda cute I guess. 3. I saw my therapist last week after not seeing him for a month over break. With the depression issues tackled for the most part, the new project is my social life/ my anxieties about my social life. I can't explain it, really. Mostly I just feel like a reject for no apparent reason. I'm constantly worried that I'm annoying to people and I don't handle rejection well. I'm not sure anyone can help me but myself. I'm seeing him again tomorow... I have no idea what will happen. I'm in a bit of a rut. The quote is dedicated to this, #3 of my blog topics Current Mood: busy (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 21st, 2006
10:29 pm	Jeremy I just say Brokeback Mountain. I literally cannot stop crying. Not just because I loved the movie but also because something in it got a hold of me. The summer the two cowboys spent together, an unexpected romance occured. It was the begining of a romance that would never end, though both had to move on with the rest of their lives. The summer the spent on Brokeback Mountain is one that hounts them both for their whole lives. Though they occasionally see eachother, it is never the same. This is a situation I am all too familar with. I might be a fool, but I had a summer just like that once with Jeremy. And though its foolish of me to put so much weight on something so short, that summer contained the best times of my life. Everyday, if I close my eyes, I remember Jeremy and I leaning against the swather. I was wearing a sweatshirt of his. He leaned on me and I can almost feel where his body pressed against mine when he told me that I was just the girl he would love to be with, but that it couldn't work out becuase when September rolled around, he would go back to Montana and was never sure if he would be coming back for the next summer. I also remember when he used to take me out four wheeling in the mud. It brings a smile to my face, even though tears stream down my face. We had such a good time. I would scream, giggle, and hold on to him tight, as he drove through the feilds, splashing mud over both of us. I remember vividly, sitting in my tractor bailing hay and looking accross the field to his tractor while the 311 version of love song played on my radio. I knew he would be listening to the same station and hearing the same song. I always wondered if he heard the words "When ever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am fun again. However far away, I will always love. However long I stay, I will always love you" and felt the way I did. Maybe he did, and maybe he didn't. Maybe it was just me who felt so deeply, but whatever it was, the way that summer made me feel will NEVER escape my memory. I think that summer defined the word happiness for me. I search for that in my life everyday, but I can't seem to find it. I know it will take some time, but I also know how worthwhile the wait might be to find someone who can make me feel that way again, but every time I think of that summer, I cry, for the beauty of it and for the longing I hold to be with Jeremy again. To kiss him and be kissed like we did that night. The way he held me and spoke so honestly to me. I don't want to forget the way his lips felt against mine, the fun we had, the conversations we had, the work we did on the ranch I also hold so dear, and the way he set my standard high for love. You may not understand, or maybe you do completely, but this is my heart, however foolish it may seem. "When I reach for someone new, it's like I'm touching you. I can still feel you just as close as skin every now and then." Current Mood: indescribable (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 16th, 2006
11:24 pm	Pre Tomorrow marks the begining of the Spring 2006 Semester. I think it should be a fairly easy yet gratifying semester and now that my depression really seems to be under control , I think I should be able to do really well in every area of my life. With my 5 classes, the majority of which are core requirements like Economics, Junior Seminar, and Philosophy in an Age of Terror, I think I will be able to get all B's. My other two classes are Women and Anthropology, and Printmaking Studio. The Women and Anthropology class should be the most challenging, and is with the new prof in the Soc. department, but is should at least be interesting. This is my second Printmaking Studio, it can be taken as many times as wanted and counts as a different credit each time. But this is the first time I won't be learning a new technique (maybe) so I will be able to make my own sylabus and work at my own pace. I'm SUPER excited for this. I also will be working about 25/hours a week at my new job. I know I have only worked there 4 days but I already love it and think I can really do a great job at it. Plus it can get really slow on the weekends and my boss has said that I can do homework while I'm there and my old room mate who has been training me says she wrote like 3 papers on sudays. Hopefully I'll be more efficient with my time and do better in school. (see early New Year's Resolution) As far as the social life goes. I'm DONE DONE DONE wasting my time and energy on men! Being busy this semester plus the total lack of eligable men ANYWHERE will prevent hurt and obsession. Here's hoping at least, right? So that's what going on! Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 12th, 2006
10:29 pm	TV, New Job, Bank Robbers I spent the last three hours watching TV, as I have done three nights in a row and I am officialy adicted to Project Runway and to Beauty and the Geek. Did anyone else see Beauty and the Geek???? I know its the second season but this is the first time I watched it and learned what its about. If you haven't seen it or heard about it, there are a bunch of really intelligent and geekey guys who lack social skills and a group of women who are gorgeous party animal who apear to be dumber than a bag of hammers. They work in team of two (one guy and one girl) to educated eachother about their respective areas of expertice and are tested in hopes of winner 250k. Maybe it sounds dumb, and perhaps it plays on the whole women are dumb factor, but I think it's cute and has a good aim. Anyway... enough of that! I like it. Project Runways is just fabulous. I love to hate Santino and I'm rooting for nick or daniel to win. Next topic.... I start my new job tomorrow at ReMax Professionals of Lakewook as a Receptionnist: a position I am all too familiar with after my three years at the family realestate office. I guess I should start getting nervous.... or pumped up..... can't really decide. I do need to decide what to wear etc. I really think I'll be okay though. My room mate from freshman year, Lis, will be there training me and getting me used to everything. My new boss does intimidate me... she didn't exactly seem friendly during my interview. Lis also says there is one agent there who is really rude to some of the other receptionists..... maybe he'll like me though. Next Up... I was watching the news and a female bank robber was shot like a mile from my parents Ranch! Our good family friend, the Sherif od BoCo. was on TV, he also lives near by us. Current Mood: anxious (2 Comments |Comment on this)
12:50 pm	Sesame Street Persona Kermit the Frog You scored 54% Organization, 61% abstract, and 71% extroverted! This test measured 3 variables. First, this test measured how organized you are. Some muppets like Cookie Monster make big messes, while others like Bert are quite anal about things being clean. Second, this test measured if you prefer a concrete or an abstract viewpoint. For the purposes of this test, concrete people are considered to gravitate more to mathematical and logical approaches, whereas abstract people are more the dreamers and artistic type. Third, this test measured if you are more of an introvert or an extrovert. By definition, an introvert concentrates more on herself and an extrovert focuses more on others. In this test an introvert was somebody that either tends to spend more time alone or thinks more about herself. You are mostly organized, both concrete and abstract, and more extroverted. Here is why are you Kermit the Frog. You are both somewhat organized. You have a good idea where you put things and you probably keep your place reasonably clean. You aren't totally obsessed with neatness though. Kermit is also reasonably tidy. He'll even dress up for interviews. You both are sometimes concrete and sometimes abstract thinkers. Kermit spends a lot of his time as a reporter collecting facts, but he is also the author of the dreamy song "The Rainbow Connection." You have a good balance in your life. You know when to be logical at times, but you also aren't afraid to explore your dreams and desires... within limits of course. You are both extroverts. Kermit gets along with everyone. Sure a few folks annoy him, but that's just because they are annoying. Kermit likes to meet new people when he does his job as a street reporter. You definitely enjoy the company of others, and you don't have problems meeting new people... in fact you probably look forward to it. You are willing to take charge when necessary or work as part of a team. Oh, and in case you were wondering, Kermit starred on Sesame Street years before The Muppet Show. The other possible characters are Oscar the Grouch Big Bird Snuffleupagus Ernie Elmo Cookie Monster Grover The Count Guy Smiley Bert If you enjoyed this test, I would love the feedback! Also if you want to tell me your favorite Sesame Street character, I can total them up and post them here. Perhaps your choice will win! My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 44% on Organization You scored higher than 79% on concrete-abstra You scored higher than 75% on intro-extrovert Link: The Your SESAME STREET Persona Test written by greencowsgomoo on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 10th, 2006
11:39 pm	Goins On I've been away from the computer for several days so I thought I'd update my blog by giving you an overview of what's been going on, whether you want to know or not. This past weekend I took my 87 year old grandma and my 94 year old great aunt to see their last remaining sibling and his wife in Idianapolis. We stayed at my second cousin and his wife's house. It was pretty difficult traveling with such old ladies but for the most part, I had a lot of fun getting to know that side of my family and my cousin Becky is such a nice lady and an excellent cook so I had a good time learning from her and getting to know her husband Bruce who my dad has always sadi is his favorite cousin. All and all, I'm exhuasted but feeling pretty good that my hardwork allowed me to see the old people so happy to see eachother. It confirmed to me how important family is and the joy that comes from family uniting and sharing old stories. Yesterday my dad and i spent the whole day together which turned out to be so much fun. It started out with a meeting to get a zoing issue resolved with my apartment. It went really smoothly and it turned out that one guy who was at the meeting that I shook hands with was Corky Gonzales' son! I just finished a social movements class where we learned about the Chicano Movement and it was neat to be able to show of some of the knowledge I gained. Next we came back to my house to take measurements for our next stop which was a place that sells Murphy beds. We're going to put one in the basement apartment and I really think it will look cool. Then we stopped at a couple other furniture places where I ran into a friend of mine from highschool and she's now studying interior design so I think I might invite her over to hang out and to get her opinion on decor for the basement. Next stop was the Porsche dealership where my dad test drove a Porsche Cayenne (their version on the SUV). My dad has been driving suburbans for 15 years and he figured his successful year warrents a nicer car and as it turns out, he can drive one for not much more that getting a new suburban. It was a lot of fun checking out all the awesome cars and my dad really enjoyed himself. He didn't buy one though, becuase he's got some more thinking to do. Finally we arrived at our final destination and one of my favorite things in the whole world: the National Wester Stockshow! I freakiin' LOVE the Stockshow! We wandered around as we usually do, looking at the booths in our Westernwear. My dad bought me these awesome fancy cowboy boots because the only ones I have are my workin' and riding boots. They're black smooth ostrich and have purple stiching on them! Sooooo exciting! We at dinner and went to the PBR (Pro Bull Riding) which we watch on TV all the time. It was pretty exciting and a kid I went to highschool with who is now a big world champion Bull Rider happened to win the event. After a long but fun day, we went home. I'm in a pretty good mood and things are going well..... I hope the same is true for all of you! Current Mood: content (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 5th, 2006
1:39 pm	Marriage I would like to take a moment to reflect on my room mate's recent engagement (BARF) to her boyfriend. Actually, I'd like to reflect on all fuck-ups and people who do not dwell in reality and their urgency to get engaged at young ages. First of all, I don't beleive that anyone who has not learned to clean their room for themself instead of getting their sister to do it for them sound be allowed to get married, much less get engaged. I also don't think anyone who's never had to pay bills a day in their life should get engaged. My room mate can't even remember to pay the rent on time and ends up getting her mother to do it for her. Heck, I'm just going to make a list of all the things my room mate can't do that I think disqualify her from getting engaged. Maybe I'm bitter or jealous, but I think mostly, I'm just bored. 1. She has to have her sister come and help/force her to clean her room. 2. Her mom has to drop her rent off for her. 3. It takes her a week to throw her nasty pizza away. It also sometimes takes her a week to wash her dishes. 4. If I didn't clean the bathroom, I doubt it would ever get cleaned.... ewww. 5. Neither she, nor her boyfriend own a comb OR brush (WEIRD) and must use mine. WTF is up with THAT shit!!? 6. She really doesn't know anything about the upkeep of a home. Okay, so I know marraige is about love, which she and Ryan no doubtedly have a lot of. I also think that too many people who are at varying levels of being a fuck-up are getting married to somehow hide, or disguise the fact that they can't keep their shit together. That shit is screwed up in my humble opinion. A girl like me, who has her shit together, own her own home, pays her bills and cleans up after herself and her messy room mate and her messy boyfriend (did I mention he live with HER parents because the rent is free!?) and I can't even get a fucking date. I tell ya, the world is all confused. Now that I have ranted, mostly becuase I can't stand the fact that I lived with someone who is engaged and now I will have to endure wedding planning BS (BARF), I feel better, really. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 1st, 2006
1:30 pm	Resolutions First of all, Happy New Year to you all. I hope the new year brings you many blessings and opportunities to learn. I think I'm going to document my resolutions here. I'm going to try not to use the "I'm not going to..." format but rather try to take a proactive approach, but forgive me if I do so anyway. 1. I will enjoy being single more. What I really want to say is... I will stop trying to find guys EVERYWHERE I go. It's a waste of time and energy and I really need to just let things happen. My friends have made it clear that I am better off alone and the guys I jump into relationships with are not good enough for me. Thus the enjoying being single and letting the guys take action. 2. I will try harder in school. Last semester there were many issues I was dealing with that prevented me from giving my all but really, I don't put enough energy into doing well. I do well anyway, but there is room for improvement and if I do this well slacking the way I do, imagine what I could do if I tried harder! 3. I will find a way to reincorporate my spirituality into my daily routine. I think that might be what was missing during my initial struggle with depression. 4.Make some new friends. So many of my good friends are going abroad and so instead of moping about missing them all semester, I will make some new ones and hang out with people who I already know are cool, but I just haven't hung out with them yet. Well that's all I can think of for now. "We can either be victims of change or we can plan for it, and emerge stronger from it. The choice is our." -The Sonoran Institute Current Mood: contemplative (Comment on this)
Friday, December 23rd, 2005
10:05 pm	Pinkie Up Well children, I am writing from Westfield, NJ, in my grandparents live and where my mother grew up. Many of you may not know something about me, but this side of my family are the real deal, snotty, pinkie-up, upper class people. Needless to say, when I come here I must act accordingly or risk being "poo-pooed" and ousted out of the family for poor taste. I really do love these people and do occasionally enjoy pretending that I live in this alternate universe, but for the love of GOD.... we just ate at this very expensive restaurant called Chez Catherine and dinner for the 7 of us cost $652!!!!! Not to mention, I had to dress up and activate the dusty protion of my brain where impecable manners and etiquette are stored. I didn't realize how silly this all was untill I brought my friend Mo here on our way to New York for fall break last year and I was acting the way I do when I'm here and Mo was STUNNED that this was in my family. I found my self worrying that her normal manners were going to get her in trouble and I found myself trying to correct her ettiquette... reminding her to tear her roll instead of cutting it. Shoes must be worn while dinning, even if its at home at the breakfast table. NEVER put your feet, even if you don't have shoes on, on the couch or chair, no matter what room you are in. These are things I couln't give a rats ass about while not in the state of New Jersey but somehow, my brain knows when to behave like the civilized young lady my grandparents think I am. I rember taking a class from the lady mayor of longmont when I was like twelve and learning about the proper way to walk and climb stairs like a lady. Table manners and how to conduct one's self like a proper lady. All of the daughters of the important people in longmont took part... I think there were 10 of us but I remember thinking, why the heck am I here??? I was usually out riding my horse on the farm or scooping horse manure in the barn. LOL. I guess I belonged there becuase of my Dad's parents being pretty promenants and successful realtors and my grandmother Evadean being a bit of a celebrity being the first female reator in longmont. Any way..... I do get fairlyy annoyed about a couple things. Mostly, how rude my gradparents are to my aforementioned humble, generous, loving father who was not raised in that sort of snotty family. They make snide comments about his size and weight and eating habits and where he come from. The grandparents have never thought he was good enough for their daughter. The fact that my Dad has created (with the help of my mom) a wonderful life for themselves and for my brother and I should help his acceptance into this family after 27 years. It just goes to show you that millionaires can come in so many different forms. Some pay $652 for fine french cuisine and other buy spare umbrellas to give to strangers. I guess I'm lucky to have the influence of both, but if I get the choice someday, I'll be guying the spare umbrellas. Current Mood: contemplative (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 21st, 2005
11:53 am	Christmas Cheer I just wanted to reflect briefly on the many blessing of this holiday season. First of all, my father recently worked REALLY hard on this huge realestate deal that had a very slim chance of actually closing. His hard work paid off and let just say, the commision from this sale is his biggest ever so needless to say, my family's realestate company is doing very well and my dad got a huge bonus. You might be tempted to think he would buy many foolish and materialistic items, but he didn't. He didn't even spend it spoiling me. But I am so proud of him. Through it all, he is always aware that it's not just his hard work that pays off, but the many blessings his/our creator has given him. And after that, his generosity amazes me. Here are some of the things he's done and is doing with the money. 1. He purchased a couple umbrellas with the specific intention of going out doors in the next rain and giving them to strangers who look like they could use one. 2. He purchased gifts for our Rain Dance Ranch hired man, Matt, whom we would not run such a successful and rewarding hay bussiness. 3. He bought gifts for our noble shepard, Humberto, who is keeping watch over the 600 sheep that lease our pastures for the winter. Humberto has been away from is family for the past three years and send every penny of his paycheck home to Peru and his wife and children in hopes that his young sons won't have to be shepards like he is. 4. He purchased many money hold cards and leaves them (filled with money) for our milkman, our garbage man, the brazilian cleaning ladies, the man who delivers much of our hay to our loyal customers, our tenant in the little white house. 5. He's also buying a horse for my mom. You might think this is foolish but if you knew how much my mom enjoys riding horses, it is a wonderfully generous act that brings tears to my eyes knowing how hard my mom works as a teacher for such little pay and how hard she work and enjoys showing her horse, she deserves the best horse money can buy. These and I'm sure many more things make my father the dearest, most generous man and my heart is filled with love for him and the joys he tries to bring to so many this holiday season. The other day, he handed me a $100 bill and said only, "Here. Do something nice for someone with this." He knows the joy that can be gained from helping someone and even wants to share that with me. I haven't done anything with my money yet: I'm waiting for the perfect opportunity to brighten someone's holiday season and I would hope anyone reading this would strive to do the same for others. Current Mood: jubilant (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, December 12th, 2005
10:14 pm	Another Blog... far far away I wrote this blog on my mindsay account, but the response of my best friend kind of upset me... i'll include that and my response. Well I'm taking a couple hours off from studying and I'm really bored so I guess I'll just share whats on my mind. I went to the grocery store after my finals today. I got a frozen CPK Pizza, a half gallon of skim milk, and a box of s'more poptarts. mmmm. Anyway, I proceeded to the check out where there was quite a line and I ended up waiting behind this older guy.... he looked like he was about 30. He asked me if those pizzas were good and I of course said yes. Then he said I could have th pop-tart for dessert, which WAS of course, my plan as well. I explained that I was just starting finals week and he asked me which finals I was taking.... and I was thinking, this small talk has taken a turn, he actually want to know these things, nor would he expect me to just tell him as if he'd know about them. Anyway... the small talk continued and it became clear that he was flirting with me. Anyway, he payed for his food and went his own way and I went mine. So why is it still on my mind. because strangers never just talk to me, nor do they flirt with me. I'm flattered really but he was clearly so much older than me and a little creepy. And then my mind took the route of "Maybe its just cuz older men are better, maybe I need to date OLDER men. Hmmmm Okay next order of bussiness. The room mate. I am about to complain about her again and I admit my complaints might secretly be routed in jealousy but I still need to express myself. So she spent the whole weekend at home getting help from her sister on her homework, papers and finals. Then last night the sister was here doing this project FOR her and keeping her focused and supporting her. Her mother even hand delivered her a new printer cartridge. The sister left a HUGE mess in the kitchen. The sick is FULL of dishes and the counters have stuff all over them and the table has craft supplies all over it. All these people will help her but no one cleans up after themselves?!?!?!? WTF is all I have to say. Next! I ran into the guy I had the dream about last night and managed to set up a study session with him and some other class mates for tomorow. and then.... again i say AND THEN (with great enthusiasm) I saw Jason in the library and it turns out he and Matt Z are studying earlier in the day. He invited me to that and I invited him to mine so I shall be seeing both of them tomorow. Now the question is which one do I want or should I ask them both out in the name of playing the field. Decisions decisions. Erin:Um is Jason the one you told me about last night? Sounds like you'll get some good studying in but, and don't get mad at me for saying this, is it really necessary to ask them out just because you studied with them? Maybe they just genuinly needed to study.... I don't want to sound like i'm raining on your parade. But maybe instead of focusing on finding someone to ask out you should just focus on forming solid friendships with these new people. Maybe asking them out will satisfy in the meantime, but wowing them with you as a friend first might be more beneficial in the long run if not more genuine. Just a thought....I love you very much. I hope the rest of your week goes well Me:Jason is the one Matt thinks I should date, he'd the one spending the semester abroad in El Salvador and we are friends, though we've only know eachother this semester. The other one is Matt Gabriel and I've know him for a year. I appreciated the advice, but I'm not just asking them out becuase I'm studying with them, I'm asking them because I've wanted to for a while. The study session gives me a chance to do so before I have to wait untill next semester and HOPE I run into them. I know you're trying to help but I can't help but wonder why no one is encouraging me. Encouraging me not only to go for what I want, but to take a chance. It's gotten really hard to feel good about myself when I get the feeling (not just with you but other friends as well) that people worry I'll scare these guys away. I know everyone's just trying to protect me but, it's not what I need. I'm SO tired of life HAPPENING to me, I want to make things happen instead. Current Mood: annoyed (Comment on this)
9:29 am	Dream Dating So I had a dream last night that was noteworthy and pretty weird too. I was sitting next to the guy I like.... we were in some class together and we were writing notes back and forth and at the end of the class the note he passed was asking me to come to his house and watch a movie and hang out. I remember being really excited and thinking that someone must have told him I like him and he liked me too so he decided to go for it. I was fricken excited! Finally! A guy that I liked, ASKED ME out for a change. Well anyway, class ended and we started walking to his house but there was like 2 feet of snow and all these hills and so we were going really slow and I was getting really tired. Then we went through this area where there were all these mechanical circus animals and they were giant and covered in snow to the point you couldn't see what they were untill you got close enough to make them come to life and which point they would start harrassing me or something. The guy told me to throw snow balls at them to make them stop but it was taking so long.... and I ended up battling circus animal after circus animal. I was getting so tired and all I could think of was how much I just wanted it to be easy.... I just wanted to spend time with this, kind, intelligent funny guy, but I just couldn't get there... and then I woke up all upset and confused So that was my dream.... I'm thinking it speaks to how much i feel challenged by dating... how its never easy, nor is it simple. My excitement about being ask out was squashed like a bug. I don't know if dreams mean anything but this one was sure weird. Current Mood: crushed (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 11th, 2005
3:59 pm	A weird start to my LJ (from my mindsay account) Well I got up and went to church in Longmont with my good buddy Matt today. It was the Sunday our choir, which my parents are in, do their big Christmas presentation and it was so beautiful. My dad had a solo and as always, the sound of his voice warms my heart and fills me with joy. Being at church made me feel complete and comfortable, like I haven't felt it so long. It occurred to me that my spirituality has been what has been missing. If it isn't, I think going to church more often and exploring my spirituality like I used to would really help me find my way back. I also realized that even though I question whether Jesus came to save us from our sins or not.... whether he did or did not, living like he did is not a bad example to follow. In all my questioning, I forgot how good it feels to know him and want to live like he did: helping people no matter their situation, loving my neighbor, and all. I also forgot how much my church stands behind me and has become my family. When none of my extended family would even acknowledge the fact that I was protesting the SOA, the church writes me notes and emails letting me know they admire me for standing up against injustice. They also came through when I said we still needed money. They love and support me and encourage me to live my beliefs everyday... I need to remember that when I am down in the dumps. It was also nice to have some time with my buddy, hearing what going on in his life and telling him about mine. Welp, I must get back to work preparing for finals! Current Mood: grateful (1 Comment |Comment on this)